I’ve been writing a lot of what Anne LaMott calls “crappy first drafts.” This writer’s challenge gives me some comfort. I would like to feel that what I am writing will become publishable. Maybe I’m too hard on myself.
I’m in a dark mood.
I struggle with the physical aspects of rage. Why am I raging? Everything I love and care about is being destroyed and I feel powerless to change.
Yes, it’s about power. I’m a speck in a vast universe. I also live in a culture that seems content to be distracted by toys. I lived very well in the days before cell phones, computers and the rest of the electronic gadgets. As for computers in cars - I won’t even go there.
The computer interferes with my writing. Yet, without it I would have a harder time staying in touch with people I care about.
My main gripe with the computer is how, without fail, after every update or new installation, I have to untangle a cyber mess. Just yesterday Microsoft had some new installation - service pack something - installation time one minute. Twenty minutes later, I canceled the stalled installation and rebooted my computer.
I’ve blogged about the rest of my frustrations with online life on the Remote Professionals site. One of my favorite geeks assures me that part of maintaining an online life is learning new tricks and tools. Frankly, I’d rather spend my precious, limited time on earth learning new species before they become extinct.
Encountering these stupid obstacles makes me feel like I’ve hit my finger with a hammer. Frankly, I’d rather hit my hand with a hammer than have the flow of my writing interrupted. The former is less painful.
But I digress.
How do I connect? How do I write about the taste of a freshly-dug potato or the earthy aroma of a chicken mushroom? How do I explain the difference between the silence of a remote wilderness and the annoying buzz of aircraft over my favorite hiking trails?
I would turn the clock back in a heartbeat.
I hear news reports that we cannot figure out a way to provide health care for our children, yet we can fund a war that kills children, including our own. A 19-year-old in uniform is still a child. As any parent.
And if one of our elected officials dares to point this out, they’re ridiculed or made to apologize. If Congressman Stark and former President Carter have no influence, who am I to hope that I can make a difference?
At times like this, there’s only one thing I can do. Refuse to give in. If I give up in despair, then all the thugs who masquerade as political leaders have won.
I may not be able to do much, but I can keep showing up, writing crappy first drafts and praying that one of them will ignite a spark of inspiration that will shed a light on what seems like endless darkness.
I cannot agree with you more on the troubles in our government. What kind of leadership does not see the unnecessary loss of life resulting from this “war”? I can’t even call it a war… it’s just our leader posturing in my opinion!
And while I love my techno-gadgets, I too am concerned about where our environment will be in 20, 30, 50 years. Hats off to Al Gore for getting the Nobel Peace Prize. It’s truly a shame he won’t consider getting back into the political arena. We need someone like him who actually cares about the greater whole instead of his own agenda.
Comment by Jodi — October 29, 2007 @ 8:49 am
JJ,
The wonderful amount of information you offer people is so important. How many people would even know what kind of mushroom would be safe to eat even if we found one! Thanks for sharing your wealth of knowledge with us.
Yvonne Perry
http://yvonneperry.blogspot.com
Comment by Yvonne Perry — November 5, 2007 @ 8:09 pm
JJ, you know I love technology. I do. But lately, I’ve been arranging my life to have less of it taken up with the maintenance of such systems. Unfortunately, the move to Linux has helped in some ways, hindered in others. It’s taking time to save me time with my computer systems, which frustrates me. I know that particular path is the right one, but I’m tired of giving up today in the hope of a better tomorrow (personally, professionally and politically).
It’s not just technology though, it’s the whole system — ecological, political, etc — as you pointed out. And, to have so many battles that need to be fought with only a single life to live, is frustrating — if not infuriating.
I feel your pain and wish I had a solution for us both! Hang in there.
Comment by Angela Parker — November 12, 2007 @ 7:12 am
Reading these comments helps me feel less isolated.
I know that many of my fellow Americans can think independently and are not fooled by the media hype that masquerades as news.
I have been told repeatedly that faith and fear cannot exist simultaneously in the human mind. My faith is sorely tested when I see the preventable damage done to the earth and to so many native species.
As long as there is still a natural world, at least I have something to hang on to.
Comment by jj_murphy — November 12, 2007 @ 4:13 pm